A Bullet With Your Name On It

I have so many thoughts going through my head today and have no idea where to begin. Or even if they're worthy of writing about. Or maybe they're worthy of posts all their own. But if I do that, I'll never get the thoughts out of my head. So here ya go... A few things on my mind lately.

• I think about who reads this blog and I try not to say anything that I may be embarrassed for them to read or for someone to tell them. Or that might hurt their feelings or make them mad. But you know, whatever. It's MY blog. They are MY thoughts. And I'll write what I want to write. And then avoid people later! (Except for hurting feelings... If I think it may hurt someone, I won't write it.) 

• My daughter. She's a beautiful creature who drives me absolutely bat shit crazy! I love her dearly and cannot imagine my life without her. I want to grab her and hug her and make her life perfect in every way. Not only is she pretty, but she's a smart little cookie, too! I know I sound like a bragging mom (and maybe I am), but she really is smart.
     The problem? The older she gets, the more we realize how much smarter she is than we thought. She resists praise when she's done something well (by using her brain). You can tell her how cute she is all you want, but for example, if she does some quick math in her head and you praise her... forget it. She runs off and that's the end of that. She's only 4. She's waaaaay too young for this to happen and I don't know how to handle it. It makes me so sad. 

• Today is the day that CFMK hosts locals to do the first CrossFit Games WOD. I'm doing it (scaled and only locally) and hoping and praying that I'm not going to make a complete ass out of myself. The first WOD is 7 minutes of burpees. My super fucking awesome CF coach did 135 of them. ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE BURPEES IN SEVEN MINUTES! (Yes, that deserves to be shouted. It's fucking awesome.)
      I'm trying to get over my fear of making an ass of myself in front of other people. I'm doing this for ME, not to prove anything to anyone else. Yet, I'm so scared to do it because I know that the people who will be there will be super awesome, way more fit than I am, and able to do way more than I can. But again, this is something I'm doing for myself, not for anyone else.
     People at CF who I tell I'm doing it are surprised. Which, let's face it, I don't know if that's their issue because they're intimidated (by the WODs, not me), or they think I can't do it well. I know I'm usually the last one to finish WODs, so I have no doubt it's at least partly the latter. I was talking with someone I workout with the other day about it and we were discussing how many we think we can do. I said I was shooting for 45-50. The reaction? Big eyes and a scoff and a comment about how that might not be realistic. But I insisted that I wanted to aim for that, so the prediction my friend made was that I could get between 35-50,  only saying 50 because I insisted. If you have learned anything about me, you know that pissed me off. Fuck that, man!! Thirty five?? REALLY?
     So. I went home and gave it a shot. I'd been awake since 3:45am (thanks, kids!) and had already had a full day by the time I attempted it at 2pm. (I should add.. A friend in NY did a dry run for it and she and I were discussing it via Facebook. She got 56 and was curious what I would do.) I blasted some Pitbull, which was pretty much my only motivation seeing as how I was planning for a nap that afternoon, not burpee hell. I didn't get my 50. I got 48 burpees in 7 minutes. Not terribly bad considering the conditions. Not as awesome as some people. But whatever. It's awesome for me.
     (I have to throw in another little shout out for my CF coach here... when I told her my goal, she didn't act like I was a loser for only getting 48. Her response? "You will get 50 tomorrow. Fuck that. You will get 55."  Oh, how I love her. One day I will write a whole post about how amazing she is. And so you don't think I've fallen in love with her [it's only a slight girl crush] I'll talk about all of the amazing women I've come across since I started working out.)    Here's to hoping I don't disappoint her or myself!!
  
  
  
• This whole weightlifting thing has been weighing on my mind (no pun intended). At some point, I'm going to have to make a decision about doing it or doing CrossFit. I'm so completely in love with CrossFit and cannot imagine leaving. But I also see how lifting heavy shit could be good for me (mentally). Obviously I just started, so there's no need to make a decision yet. But man am I dreading that day.
     Just the fact that I won't be able to do CF on the days I lift has already made me feel like I'm cheating on CFMK. (I know, I know... I have issues.) I'm an extremely loyal person. And I hate this. I don't want to choose!!
  
  
  
• My eating has gone to shit.
  
  
  
• Several people have asked me if I would like comments on my blog. PLEASE, if you have something (nice) to say, feel free to say it!! While I do this blog for myself, feedback is welcomed!