I'M NOT CRAZY!!!

OK, so I AM crazy, but this loopy crying business is NOT ME!!

At first I thought I was being all paranoid... My parents are super paranoid people and I'm pretty sensitive to conspiracy theories and stuff. But. I found an old email that I'd written to a friend about one of my medications. I mentioned that I'd started a new Rx (in generic) from a different pharmacy and how I thought it was not working. I'm currently taking the same one as then!

No wonder I'm such a mess!! I've found several articles online about a few different generic manufacturers of this particular medication and how they suck. It's a time release thing and several of the generics don't do it properly.

But I just switched pharmacies (to one that carries one of the better generic brands)! Maybe soon I won't be so jacked in the head!!!

Fake It Till You Make It

I'm currently in "fake it till you make it" mode. I guess it's better than "I totally give up" mode, which is really where I feel like being. Actually, I feel like being in my bed and sleeping my blues away. But that is not an option today.

Trying to think of some positive things to write about is hard. Yesterday I ate like complete shit, so today I'm having to get back on track. And, of course, it's pizza and Wipe Out night tonight.

I'm trying to figure out ways to get my mojo back. This month there's a fundraiser at CrossFit that I'm thinking about doing. I can't decide. My confidence is wavering. On one hand, why the hell not? It can be modified. And even if I suck, at least I'll have tried, right?? But then, I don't want to look like a complete dumbass in front of a bunch of people!! I can easily just hand over some cash and help out. There's also the CrossFit Open that's starting. The ONLY interest I have in it is seeing how I have improved by this time next year. But then, my daily WODs can tell me that and I don't have to look stupid in front of others.

WHERE IS MY COURAGE?!? Monday I begin my swim lessons. Unless I decide not to do it. I'm having problems finding a bathing suit. Go figure. Not that it's that big of a deal. I just don't want to do it. But here again I have to fake it because if I don't I know it'll be worse in the long run.

.
.

I feel like I've really let a lot of people down by being so discouraged lately. I know people look up to me for some reason and I feel like I'm going to rub off on them. Hopefully not. And hopefully the fact that I'm still sticking with it despite wanting to quit is encouraging enough for them right now. (Oh, and that even though I ate like crap yesterday, it's not a big deal as long as it's not a normal thing.)