Of course, when the kids are out of school for the summer, my ability to exercise decreases dramatically. To compensate, I dropped my calories a bit, per the suggestion of my doctor (who has been on me to lose weight). I still ride but not nearly as much as I want.
At my last med check appointment last week, I got the lecture again. I told him (AGAIN) that I've been doing everything he told me. And then I broke down crying. It was quite the winning moment.
He believes that it's my medications that are making me not be able to lose weight. We've been trying new things in order to get me off of those but it takes time. No cold turkey or I could flip my shit. Seriously... One medication (that I've been on for YEARS) can give you brain zaps. I experienced those when I forgot to take my medicine for a week. I had no idea what was happening and it scared the shit out of me. Not literally, thank goodness. I also experienced it when we dropped the dose in half, but it wasn't nearly as bad.
Last week, he took me off one medication that he believes is the culprit and next month he plans to take me off the other completely. Except in the meantime......
This is where the "never say never" part comes into play. I feel like I need to be honest with myself and with anyone who's followed me on this journey. This is really hard to write. I've been judgmental of others for this as well as other things. I've learned that anytime I judge, it bites me in the ass. And while I've been a lot better about judging, it doesn't take away the judgment from years ago.
I see others judging me. Even my friends. It's hard. Some believe me when I tell them how hard I've desperately been trying. Some don't. And I see the judgment in the eyes of people who don't know me. I hope I never showed my judgment and made someone feel like people have made me feel.
So this is it. My moment of truth.
My doctor put me on a weight loss medication. For the months I've maintained my weight while trying so hard have gotten me nowhere and he's finally believing it.
Who DOES that!? Who pops a pill to lose weight!? That's taking the easy way out!! Right!?!
So now is when I judge myself for doing just that, and trying very hard to remind myself that I DIDN'T take the easy way out. That I HAVE been trying. Hard.
It's been a few days now that I've been on it. We'll see how it goes. My scale is down already but it's tricked me like this before. So we'll see.
