Bear Crawls

I'm going to try to post positive thoughts as they come to me if I feel they're significant.*

Today at CF we had to do bear crawls. No matter who you are, you look stupid doing them. It's not natural. And for someone like me, it's REALLY not natural. What I've come to realize is this: despite having been active the last few years, it doesn't wipe away all of the years I led a basically sedentary life. It only makes sense for me to struggle with physical things after so much time doing nothing.

So what if I sucked at bear crawls today... I was able to do it, which is more than I could've said not that long ago.

I did make a comment today that was taken negatively, but I truly didn't mean it that way. I said that I'm a novice at CrossFit still. While I've definitely improved, I still have a long way to go. It's not being down on myself, it's the truth. And it's a welcomed challenge!! As far as ability is concerned, I am most definitely novice still.



*The problem with doing this is that once I write the thoughts out, it's a lot easier for me to discredit them. 

Positive Thoughts

When I began losing weight, I automatically assumed that once I'd lost it, my self confidence would be golden. It was--temporarily. Very temporarily. I also thought that I'd have an almost perfect body. I have no idea why I thought either of those things, but obviously they didn't happen.

This whole journey for losing weight has turned into a journey to find my happy self... To find where I fit into this whole thing called life and to accept things for what they are.

I thought my confidence issues had to do with my body image, but I'm not so sure that's all there is to it anymore. That stupid shrink has really gotten to me. It's hard to hear things she says, especially when they're valid. Like many people, she thought it was weird that I still see myself as the fat girl I used to be. (Still am??)

This next week, I'm supposed to make a conscious effort to thing positive thoughts. It sounds a LOT easier than it is, let me tell you. She asked if I journaled and I admitted to this blog... then she asked how many negative thoughts there were written each time.

I honestly have no idea how to keep the negative thoughts away. I really do want to change.. I want to be happy. I want to not feel sad or fat or like I don't matter.

I've decided that each day for the next week, I'm going to blog 5 positive thoughts--none of which will be followed with anything but that thought. No "but" or explanation as to why or why not those are or aren't legitimate. And I'm going to try hard not to repeat many. The further I get into it, the harder this is going to get, which is why I'm only doing 5 per day.


Friday's 5 Positive Things

1. My kids adore me.
2. I've made some pretty damn good friends in my life.
3. I busted my ass and lost a shitload of weight.
4. I have a good life.
5. I'm getting tons better at things physically.