Trying To Be Invisible

This journey of mine sucks ass. It's so much easier to sit on your ass and be a fat person than it is to make an effort to make yourself better. People who are naturally thin don't realize how much of a struggle life is when you're overweight. But then, I've also known super skinny people who were completely unhealthy because they couldn't GAIN weight. That would suck, too. 

A few months ago, a coach at CF told me that I have douchebag shoulders, basically meaning I slouch. It irritated me big time. Growing up, my grandmother always commented on me standing up straight. Being the defiant little snot that I was, I would either ignore her or sit/stand up straight for a few seconds, at most. Arms folded, shoulders rounded... makes you feel smaller than you really are and almost makes you feel invisible. Of course, at my size there's nothing small about me. But I felt like it made me not seen. 

Now it's just natural for me. My shoulders are curved because of it and I'm always slouching. Yes, I know you look better and thinner if you don't slouch. But all of the insecurities I've had are still there. It's still rare that I feel confident. 

Let's see if I can work on my posture (again) and make it stick this time. Shoulders back get the boobs out and in turn, the pooch is hidden a bit more. You'd think that would be motivation enough.