"Sticks and Stones" is Bullshit

Tonight I was talking with a man who I'd just met. Another lady came up and apparently they workout together in the mornings at like 5am. After the lady left, the man started talking to me about the importance of exercise and how it's such a great way to start the day, etc. I totally felt like he was trying to talk me into working out. Which, uh, I do. Apparently I don't look like it though. Finally, there was an opening in his lecture where I interjected how I go to CrossFit every morning at 5:30. The look on the dude's face was complete shock. "Isn't that like really INTENSE??" Uh, yep. Sure is!

I typically try to find a little humor in it when people don't realize I workout. I struggle enough with my looks and when people obviously are surprised that I could possibly not sit on my ass all day, it's rather insulting. I try to laugh it off, but deep down it gets to me.

The Weight of the World On Your Shoulders

Handstands are not easy. There are only a few things that have ever made me feel like an actual cow or whale and handstands are one of them. Granted neither cows nor whales can do handstands. But that's not my point. Every single ounce of your body is being held up by your arms. And if you weren't sure of just how heavy you feel, a handstand will tell you.

I didn't do it on my own, so I don't feel like it counts. Once I can get myself into a handstand then it will count. But I'm working on it and I'm on my way.

Today I literally felt like a cow. My spotter was my CrossFit coach who is a tiny little thing (but crazy, crazy strong). When helping me by holding my legs, damn did I feel large!! And heavy!! Which, OK, I know how much I weigh... and it's a LOT. But damn. Feeling like a cow sucks.
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I have to say that without pharmaceutical companies, I don't even want to think about the state I would be in mentally. My medications are back to work and I feel great. This particular combination is nice because I am actually able to FEEL. My emotions are still there. When something is sad, I cry. I get mad. I get happy. Some medications made me feel like a walking zombie and that's never a good thing.

So I guess what I'm saying is that life is (mostly) good again. Sure things suck sometimes, but it's a lot easier to handle when properly medicated!!
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In case you're wondering what other things made me feel like a cow or whale... breastfeeding (especially pumping) made me feel like a cow. I would often moo while doing it. And those Superman things you do on the floor while on your stomach... those make me feel like a beached whale. Walking in the subway in NYC at rush hour is cow-like as well. And yes, I mooed then, too. People didn't always appreciate it. Guess they didn't like feeling like a cow either!