Going back over my last post, I realize that it lacks the sincerity that I felt about the call/texts.
I'm still struggling today. Yesterday I took a 2hr nap in hopes of feeling better. I wanted more than anything to stay in bed until it was time to get the kids, but it was the only time I had to go get Easter basket stuff without them. I guess it says something that I'm still able to get out of bed. I don't think that people who have never experienced depression realize how hard that can be sometimes.
I'm still making it to workout, too. I may not do well and I may not be "there" when I'm doing things, but right now I'm trying to tell myself that getting there is what's important.
I'm officially up 20lbs. That means I've only lost 70lbs total instead of the 90lbs I'd reached. I get that muscle weighs more than fat, but it's no all muscle. Let's face it.. Anyone who can down brownie batter dipped Oreos can't use the excuse of muscle weighing more than fat.
Tomorrow is weightlifting early in the morning. Hopefully I'll do better than Wednesday. Then Sunday we're meeting again. Next week is going to be completely screwed up for working out and it's happening at the absolute worst time!! I just hope I come out of it ok. The hubby will be gone for several days and my regular routine will be impossible. Obviously I can't do mornings. But even evening CF classes are out (except maybe one day) because of other things going on. I worry that I'll say "fuck it" and take off the entire time he's gone. Never mind that I have a membership to the gym at school and I can go when they're both in school (only 2 of the days).
I still feel like staying in bed all day, but I've got too much shit to do. My parents are visiting this weekend and will be here in a few hours. My house is a pit. I hope to get it to the point where it looks like normal people live here. Oh the piles of clean, unfolded laundry.
Also tomorrow is a team workout with the other gym. I mentioned it to the hubby and he said we could do it. BUT. He thinks my parents and the kids should come watch. Because I LOOOOOVE being watched when I workout. Abso-fucking-lutely love it. So the question is: Do I do the WOD with the hubby since he's willing and deal with the on-lookers? Or do I not bother? I'd planned to not do it since I'm lifting before, but the fact that the hubby is willing to come makes me want to do it. Of course, I hate to get my hopes up and have it not happen whether it's because I'm too tired or because he decides not to. Stadium stairs and barbells just don't sound like a great time to me right now.
