Grumpy Gus

I woke up grumpy and teary today with zero positive thoughts running through my head. And craving junk food.

Sound familiar to anyone?? UGH. PMS blows.

I knew this day would come. When you've vowed to completely change your eating habits and then CRAVE cake or ice cream (dear God, what I'd do for a huge slice of chocolate cake right now.. or some Orange Leaf... mmmm...) makes things rather difficult!! Especially when you've always found comfort in food! (Some super salty fries sound awesome right now, too!)

There are things I want to write that lean towards the positive side and every time I start, the tears start also. (See, I'm a whack job!) But I'll try anyway. Maybe the tears will be therapeutic?

I've had a runner friend here who has been offering to run with me. My CF coach has also wanted me to work on it. I haven't run since I hurt my ankle months ago, except for during workouts. It's debatable if what I do/did can even be called running though. I suck at running.

So as of yesterday (when I wasn't feeling all crappy about life), I decided that I'm going to work on my running again. Boo. I don't want to. Nothing that makes you feel weak is fun. But every once in a while, I listen to the positive bullshit that's coming out of the mouths of others and what (sometimes) goes through my head.

I get a big kick out of people who think I'm awesome because I do things that are hard for me. I'm not awesome. I hate being weak. Fear is weak. (I also hate hate HATE disappointing people. Especially people who put a lot of time and effort into helping me. Good reason or not to take things on, it helps me stay motivated and get results.)

Speaking of fear... (I may or may not get back to the running this post. But long story short, I'm going to start running again with an amazing woman who I've met here. This sure will put our friendship to a test!! And I also need to work on how to run properly, rather than dragging my feet along the ground a bit faster than a walking pace!)

One of my New Years Resolutions is to learn to swim. I signed up for swim lessons, which begin in a few weeks. I just checked to see if the class has made and there are only 2 spots remaining. That means this is going to happen, I guess.

Seriously, just thinking about this makes my heart POUND and makes me start shaking. I'm terrified. I would pop a Xanax before the first lesson, but that might backfire and make things worse! ;)

Yes, I know I grew up in Florida. And yes, at one time I could swim. But somewhere along the way I became terrified of the water. I was never a very good swimmer to begin with, but I've lost all ability, and it has nothing to do with putting on a swimsuit (which reminds me... I need to go buy one).



Now that I got that out, I'm going to go watch a tear jerker movie and fold laundry while the hubby and kids are at the park. (It's always fun to be left behind so I can do chores!)