Something Isn't Quite Right

Since starting the new medication I've had pretty good luck with losing weight. It's hard to tell what's actual weight loss or water weight gone or what though. I figure I'll post by update about just how much I've lost, if any, when I go to the doctor on the 27th for my follow up. That'll be 4ish weeks on the medicine.

I'm also going to wait to address the following issue until that day, too. I'd thought about calling my primary doctor about it but while my psychiatrist is messing with my medications, I would rather only have one doc in the mix. Besides, he can handle this stuff or send me to my primary if he's not comfortable. (He is the one who prescribed the weight loss medication.)

The medication has given me a drastic drop in appetite. When I'm hungry, I'm hungry. But when I'm not, food just isn't appealing. And I can tell when I've had enough and I'm satisfied but not full. I've been watching my calorie intake as well and I'm making sure I get enough but not too much.

So the other day I had a "splurge meal" that consisted of a fried chicken breast (no skin), a small amount of mashed potatoes, and a small amount of corn. It was over my calorie allotment for the meal and the next morning I was UP ALMOST 3lbs!!! (We eat a low sodium diet because of my husband's high blood pressure so it wasn't water weight from that.)

My basal metabolic rate is a bit over 1800 calories a day. That means that just by living (no exercise), if I eat 1800 calories per day, I'll maintain my current weight. Except that doesn't happen for me. If I eat that much, I gain weight. I have to eat about 1500-1600/day to maintain. And less if I'm trying to lose.

It's extremely frustrating!!! Yes, my scale is currently down, but for how long??  Am I going to have to maintain this 1500 calorie diet for the rest of my life? Probably. I'll allow myself one splurge meal a week and that's it.

I'm jealous of people who can eat anything they want. I'm sad that I will have to be a food nazi for the rest of my life. I'm angry that I was given crap for genetic genes.

People have asked me why I bother. Well. It isn't ONLY because of looks, though I'll admit that's part of it. It's health reasons, too. When my father passed away, he was over 400lbs and had every health problem known to man. Diabetes, heart problems, bad joints, etc. Ultimately he died of a heart attack while driving.

I already have bad knees. My "good" knee has been causing me a lot of pain just when walking. My surgeon said I'll be looking at knee replacement earlier rather than later in life.

I also have a very common heart issue, but that issue over the years could possibly make my heart weaker and leave me at risk for more concerning heart issues. It's no big deal now, but it could be come one.

Throw in poor self body image and we've got a great recipe for needing to be extra healthy.

It's just all so discouraging. But on the bright side, my depression seems to be at bay... For now.