I always have mixed feelings when I win someone over. If it's one thing you can say about me it's that I'm determined in what I do. I may be a chunky butt, but I'll be damned if I won't give it my all. Yes, I get discouraged. And yes, I know I'm not great. But when it comes to challenges, I'll face them head on -- with attitude. I like that I can win people over, but it's also kind of sucky that they don't just like me at first. (But then, I fully admit that I don't always like someone at first either.)
I woke up this morning and looked at today's WOD. In my plan for the next week, today was supposed to be my rest day. But yesterday I forgot to reset my alarm and didn't wake up. Yesterday would've been MUCH easier than today, though to be perfectly honest, I probably would've gone in today just to give it a shot.
800M Run
70x Air Squats
60x Sit Ups
50x KB Swings (55/35#)
40x Push Ups
30x Overhead KB Walking Lunges (15R/15L)
20x Broad Jumps (8/6 Foot)
10x Burpees
OK, so I didn't do overhead walking lunges. I just hung on dearly to that kettlebell and did my lunges. And my jumps... Let's be real. I can't jump 6ft. I can barely do 4ft. But that's about what I did. I ran the 800m in 5:12 and did the whole thing in 22:40. Not shabby for a fat girl. And I was only about a minute or minute and a half behind the others. (I realize that's a big gap, but whatever. I am comfortable with how I did! And there were only 4 of us.)
Today I realized that I've won over one of the people in the morning class. It didn't happen today, I just realized it today. During the run I got a "Good job" (everyone knows how I struggle with running and how much I LOATHE it... I'm quite verbal about it). Gotta admit that it made me feel all warm and fuzzy, as did the words of encouragement later on after this person had finished (LONG before me).
If it's one thing I'm very aware of, it's how people perceive me. I do not appear to be a "fit" person to someone walking down the street. Hell, I don't appear to be a "fit" person to someone who walks into the CrossFit gym. I am fully aware of the judgment I see in the eyes of others when they first meet me or find out that I do, in fact, workout. It isn't just now.. Here in Kansas. It's been something I've noticed since I started this journey. (And, of course, when I was way overweight, I noticed that people thought of me differently as well.)
I admit that I am a judgmental person. I try very hard not to be, mostly because I've found that every single thing I have judged others for has come back to bite me in the ass one way or another. That and I know how badly it stings to be judged.
In the fitness world, there is sooooo much judging of others, especially those not into working out. You hear many trainers say how they love helping people who really want to be helped. But how many of those people are they really willing to give an honest to goodness chance to change? I can go down the list of trainers who I've had and tell you exactly the ones who are great at what they do and the ones who seriously need to rethink what they're doing. While I understand that they may not be won over by someone right away and realize that they really do intend to change, each and every person needs to be given the benefit of the doubt when they go into making a life change such as losing weight and becoming healthy.
Before I met Lisa, I had tried many times to lose weight. I'd tried working with trainers, I'd tried doing it on my own. But each and every time I failed. As if it isn't hard enough to face those fears, each time I failed made it harder to start again the next time. But Lisa... Lisa is the type of trainer EVERY trainer should be. I won't lie and say that I never saw disappointed or disapproving looks from her. I did. She's human. But as long as I kept at it, she was with me all the way... She was with me before I ever REALLY made the commitment to change. I remember asking her when she realized that I was in it for the real deal and she knew right when it was -- and it wasn't a time that I would've told you was "it" for me... It was way before I realized it myself. And because I love her so much, here's a picture of us when she ran my first 5K with me (despite a 5K being chump change for her):
And because we're all sweaty and gross there, here's a cute pic of us together back when I was skinny (the drunk ones will not be posted):
It's hard for me to see trainers who look down their noses at overweight people and say they want to help those who really want to change. Every single person who starts out trying to lose weight -- even if it's just walking -- really intends to give it their all.
I've often wondered what it takes to be a good trainer. Obviously by nature some people are more accepting and patient, but that's rare. Is it personal experience they bring to the table? I know with Lisa that was part of it. I know with the first trainer I ever had it was that she had zero personal experience. That and she was a total judgmental bitch who scared me off from working out for years to come. (Yes, I have Lisa up on a pedestal -- when it comes to being a trainer. As a person, she's just like the rest of us. That's why I love her.) I'm not really sure what it takes, but I'm thankful for the good ones out there. And the others... hopefully one day they'll realize the harm they're causing by judging others before truly giving them a chance.
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