Too Much Thinking Is Not Good

Being left alone with my thoughts isn't always a good thing. Especially in the middle of the night when I'm trying to go back to sleep. Without fail, if I wake up to go to the bathroom, the wheels in my head start turning and it takes forever to fall asleep again.


Tonight I was thinking about CrossFit (surprise!) and what's next for me. There's a possibility of our box merging with another and I don't know what that would mean for everyone I workout with. I would understand if the owner does it, but would be very disappointed. And I'm not sure if I would continue with CF (depending on what the arrangements would be).

I'm an emotional person, I can't deny that. I know I tend to have knee jerk reactions to things, which is why I don't like to make decisions without a lot of thought.

Yesterday was the last CrossFit Open WOD. I had an awesome time. However. I was hoping the husband and kids would be there. When I left the house, I was expecting them to show up later. I was so excited. For my husband to come would've been huge. Except they didn't come. Even writing it now makes me cry. I was so upset and looked like a fool crying in front of people there. I just couldn't stop the tears. I was hoping that for just once he would be supportive and cheer me on for something that was important to me.

So last night, between the bad dreams of being left by my husband, I started thinking more about no longer doing CrossFit. If the whole CFMK family is going to split, do I have it in me to form new bonds with new people? I've heard how the other group doesn't like outsiders and that they're not nearly as supportive as what I'm used to unless it's for each other. Is it true though?

I also don't know what it would mean on the weightlifting front. I'm still uncertain of that as well, though I'm not as discouraged by it as I was. I haven't talked to Coach G since Saturday. I'm sure he's expecting some sort of communication from me when he gets to work today, but I haven't sent him any messages.

Maybe it's time for me to go back to a workout routine that doesn't involve needing the support of anyone. In Zumba, you don't need someone to cheer you on. You don't need a husband to be supportive, except when it comes to paying the gym membership each month. (On a side note... Any time I type a word with -ship in it, I always write -shit. Or even if I'm trying to write ship, apparently I go to shit first. What does that say about my potty mouth?!)

Lots to think about. Any thoughts are welcome.