Disgruntled Employer

I've put off writing about this in depth for awhile now because it's kind of a sensitive topic for me. But more and more it keeps weighing on my mind, so hopefully this outlet will help.

I love CrossFit (duh). And I love talking about it (duh, again). But my husband does not enjoy listening to anything CrossFit related. He has, in fact, requested that I not talk about it, period. I can't say I've done this, but I do try not to talk about it that much. (What's the point when you might as well be talking to a wall! Though if our walls could talk, they'd probably use a few choice words about how I treat them when working on CF stuff!) But it's FUN! I really enjoy my workouts and the kick ass stuff that I'm able to do that I never thought I could! And the one person I really want to share  it with doesn't give a shit.

I hesitate to say that he's not supportive. After all, when I've been in a funk and thought about quitting, he's been quick to tell me he doesn't want me to. But it's not a welcomed topic of conversation, for sure.

(Major pet peeve: Starting several paragraphs in a row with the same word. Unfortunately, that's going to be hard for me to avoid for this post, so I've already given up.)

I've been offered the chance to work with a weightlifting coach who I met through CrossFit. I went in yesterday to work with the guy and it was pretty cool. I have no idea how interested I am in it though. Definitely interested enough to check it out and see how things go, but it means cutting back on my CrossFit. Which.. OMG. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I don't want to!!!

That said, I think I'm going to give it a shot. If anything, it'll help me get better with the barbell stuff in CF.

I've tried talking to the husband about this, but all I get is, "That's fine." Which obviously means it is not. When I question it, I get, "Well, you know." And that's as far as the conversation has ever gotten. He hasn't even so much as asked how much time it will take. Or cost. Or ANYTHING. He won't tell me I can't do it, but damned if he'll talk about it. (Maybe I should tell him it'll cost a couple hundred bucks a month, then pocket the cash! I kid, I kid.) As painful as it is for me to say this, I feel like unless it benefits him, he doesn't care. And that's a shitty way to feel. (Even the swim lessons he doesn't really care about. Hell, he says it's a great idea, but gets put off every Monday despite agreeing to the day/time!)

I think what bothers me even more than his lack of interest is what I perceive as his lack of caring. Friends who I've talked to about opportunity ask questions about my safety.. Not just when lifting weights but being alone with some man who I just met. One friend was super hesitant for me to do it b/c she thinks he's looking to take advantage of me in some way. Let's face it.. she has a point. I'm pretty naive about some things and take the word of people. (Which is why I didn't decide to do it without asking a million questions from him and others!) But the husband... nada.

I know that a big issue with it is that it means he'll have to pull more of his share around the house. (Wait... that implies he helps to begin with!) On Mondays, he does have to feed the kids dinner, but I'm home by bedtime. (OK, I do have to admit that he does baths and reads stories before bed. And in the mornings, he does breakfast for the kids if I'm not home when they wake up. All of this, of course, equates to me doing nothing.) I told him this morning that I wouldn't do weightlifting in the evenings until after swim lessons are over, and then I'll limit it to one day a week so things won't be that different. Of course, that wasn't good. (To clarify in case this sounds like we had a discussion, I'm talking AT him when I tell him this stuff. The response I get is "that's fine" or a grunt... assuming he acknowledges that I'm speaking, period.)

It SUCKS.
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Update on my post the other day about decisions... I've decided that for now I'm "just" going to be a mom. I'm not sure about the whole PTO thing other than continuing to volunteer like I have been. Time will tell on that. As for the other option (a business opportunity), we've decided to revisit the possibility in 6-12mo once things are a little more settled as far as schooling is concerned. The hubby kind of understands and is supportive enough. And I am thankful for that. Tremendously so. Because right now I need to be a mom.

Actually, right now I need to be a CLEANING mom! (Please note that I did resist the urge to call myself the maid, though that description is much more fitting, I believe.)