Last night I was cuddling with my daughter before bed and we were talking. It was a sweet conversation about how much she loves me. Somewhere along the way the topic changed and she made a comment that her friend's mom is skinny. I responded, "Yes, she is. She's SUPER skinny." She's a runner and VERY thin. My daughter's response?? "And you're SUPER FAT."
*sigh*
Monday, May 14, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Clean & Jerk!
Today was a good gym day... I PR'd my clean & jerk and did 91lbs! At 93lbs, I dropped the bar on my head though, so I called it a day. (I'm fine! And it's actually not a terrible thing since it means that I was under the bar like I needed to be!)
Friday, May 11, 2012
Bear Crawls
I'm going to try to post positive thoughts as they come to me if I feel they're significant.*
Today at CF we had to do bear crawls. No matter who you are, you look stupid doing them. It's not natural. And for someone like me, it's REALLY not natural. What I've come to realize is this: despite having been active the last few years, it doesn't wipe away all of the years I led a basically sedentary life. It only makes sense for me to struggle with physical things after so much time doing nothing.
So what if I sucked at bear crawls today... I was able to do it, which is more than I could've said not that long ago.
I did make a comment today that was taken negatively, but I truly didn't mean it that way. I said that I'm a novice at CrossFit still. While I've definitely improved, I still have a long way to go. It's not being down on myself, it's the truth. And it's a welcomed challenge!! As far as ability is concerned, I am most definitely novice still.
*The problem with doing this is that once I write the thoughts out, it's a lot easier for me to discredit them.
Today at CF we had to do bear crawls. No matter who you are, you look stupid doing them. It's not natural. And for someone like me, it's REALLY not natural. What I've come to realize is this: despite having been active the last few years, it doesn't wipe away all of the years I led a basically sedentary life. It only makes sense for me to struggle with physical things after so much time doing nothing.
So what if I sucked at bear crawls today... I was able to do it, which is more than I could've said not that long ago.
I did make a comment today that was taken negatively, but I truly didn't mean it that way. I said that I'm a novice at CrossFit still. While I've definitely improved, I still have a long way to go. It's not being down on myself, it's the truth. And it's a welcomed challenge!! As far as ability is concerned, I am most definitely novice still.
*The problem with doing this is that once I write the thoughts out, it's a lot easier for me to discredit them.
Positive Thoughts
When I began losing weight, I automatically assumed that once I'd lost it, my self confidence would be golden. It was--temporarily. Very temporarily. I also thought that I'd have an almost perfect body. I have no idea why I thought either of those things, but obviously they didn't happen.
This whole journey for losing weight has turned into a journey to find my happy self... To find where I fit into this whole thing called life and to accept things for what they are.
I thought my confidence issues had to do with my body image, but I'm not so sure that's all there is to it anymore. That stupid shrink has really gotten to me. It's hard to hear things she says, especially when they're valid. Like many people, she thought it was weird that I still see myself as the fat girl I used to be. (Still am??)
This next week, I'm supposed to make a conscious effort to thing positive thoughts. It sounds a LOT easier than it is, let me tell you. She asked if I journaled and I admitted to this blog... then she asked how many negative thoughts there were written each time.
I honestly have no idea how to keep the negative thoughts away. I really do want to change.. I want to be happy. I want to not feel sad or fat or like I don't matter.
I've decided that each day for the next week, I'm going to blog 5 positive thoughts--none of which will be followed with anything but that thought. No "but" or explanation as to why or why not those are or aren't legitimate. And I'm going to try hard not to repeat many. The further I get into it, the harder this is going to get, which is why I'm only doing 5 per day.
Friday's 5 Positive Things
1. My kids adore me.
2. I've made some pretty damn good friends in my life.
3. I busted my ass and lost a shitload of weight.
4. I have a good life.
5. I'm getting tons better at things physically.
This whole journey for losing weight has turned into a journey to find my happy self... To find where I fit into this whole thing called life and to accept things for what they are.
I thought my confidence issues had to do with my body image, but I'm not so sure that's all there is to it anymore. That stupid shrink has really gotten to me. It's hard to hear things she says, especially when they're valid. Like many people, she thought it was weird that I still see myself as the fat girl I used to be. (Still am??)
This next week, I'm supposed to make a conscious effort to thing positive thoughts. It sounds a LOT easier than it is, let me tell you. She asked if I journaled and I admitted to this blog... then she asked how many negative thoughts there were written each time.
I honestly have no idea how to keep the negative thoughts away. I really do want to change.. I want to be happy. I want to not feel sad or fat or like I don't matter.
I've decided that each day for the next week, I'm going to blog 5 positive thoughts--none of which will be followed with anything but that thought. No "but" or explanation as to why or why not those are or aren't legitimate. And I'm going to try hard not to repeat many. The further I get into it, the harder this is going to get, which is why I'm only doing 5 per day.
Friday's 5 Positive Things
1. My kids adore me.
2. I've made some pretty damn good friends in my life.
3. I busted my ass and lost a shitload of weight.
4. I have a good life.
5. I'm getting tons better at things physically.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Stupid Shit
This whole shrink thing BLOWS. So it's no secret that I have lots of negative thoughts. She understands that it's not something I CHOOSE to do, but it's just what I've had said to me and what I've just DONE for so long. This next week I'm supposed to make a deliberate effort to have positive thoughts.
How the hell am I supposed to have positive thoughts when I don't even realize that I'm having negative ones?? And if I'm not happy about how I look, what good is it going to do to lie to myself and say I look great???
She also said I'm submissive. Stupid heifer.
Blah. As if it isn't enough to deal with some shrink getting into my head, what does it make me want to do?? EAT, of course. Eat junk. It's a shame there's no junk at home and no hubby home to stay with the kids while I go get some.
How the hell am I supposed to have positive thoughts when I don't even realize that I'm having negative ones?? And if I'm not happy about how I look, what good is it going to do to lie to myself and say I look great???
She also said I'm submissive. Stupid heifer.
Blah. As if it isn't enough to deal with some shrink getting into my head, what does it make me want to do?? EAT, of course. Eat junk. It's a shame there's no junk at home and no hubby home to stay with the kids while I go get some.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Discouraging Comparison
This sure wasn't what I was expecting to see... I thought there would be more change.
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| October 2011 May 2012 Click to see larger. |
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Decisions and Sore Muscles
I just went back and read my post from Friday. Really, when I said I'd make up for Friday's WOD not being as challenging as it could've been if I'd done it later in the day... I just meant I'd have a good workout on Saturday. Not a KILLER workout, which is what it was.
It began with 6am Olympic lifting. Then onto the Saturday Team WOD which spanked us all. I slept until 10am today after falling asleep on the couch at about 9pm (or earlier).
After the morning of brutality, the hubby, kids and I went to watch my old coach do his weightlifting thing. We met up with friends from the gym who lift, too (hi!!) and Coach G was there. Coach J is awesome. I've really missed him.
The whole day was kind of a rollercoaster for me as far as working out goes. O-lifting in the morning made me want to focus more on that. Then the Team WOD... it was INSANE. But the fact that I could do it well (enough) made me feel good about myself and want to keep up with CF. Then we went to the weightlifting match and it was really cool watching people lift, so then it kinda made me want to do that!
There's a meet on July 9 or something that I'd like to do. I think. I don't know... these people take it sooo seriously. I feel so silly sometimes when I to it!! And when I get I nervous, I laugh. I don't think the people there would care for that too much!!
There's GOT to be some sort of compromise in my routine. Lifting 2 days a week isn't going to cut it. And CrossFit stuff 5-6 days a week isn't going to work either. As it is, I'm struggling with that schedule. The only mornings I can lift are Wednesday and Saturday. My coach can't do days and I can't do evenings. MAYBE I might be able to talk the hubby into letting me do one evening a week, but it wouldn't be able to happen for at least a month. My coach does Tuesday evenings, but if I went then, it would knock out Wednesday morning.
I think that right now, I'm willing to knock CF down to 2-3 days a week and add more lifting in. But despite having an email composed to Coach G, I can't seem to click send. I know it doesn't mean I'm 100% committing myself. And it doesn't mean I'm giving up CF. It seems like a compromise to me, but I don't know...
It began with 6am Olympic lifting. Then onto the Saturday Team WOD which spanked us all. I slept until 10am today after falling asleep on the couch at about 9pm (or earlier).
After the morning of brutality, the hubby, kids and I went to watch my old coach do his weightlifting thing. We met up with friends from the gym who lift, too (hi!!) and Coach G was there. Coach J is awesome. I've really missed him.
The whole day was kind of a rollercoaster for me as far as working out goes. O-lifting in the morning made me want to focus more on that. Then the Team WOD... it was INSANE. But the fact that I could do it well (enough) made me feel good about myself and want to keep up with CF. Then we went to the weightlifting match and it was really cool watching people lift, so then it kinda made me want to do that!
There's a meet on July 9 or something that I'd like to do. I think. I don't know... these people take it sooo seriously. I feel so silly sometimes when I to it!! And when I get I nervous, I laugh. I don't think the people there would care for that too much!!
There's GOT to be some sort of compromise in my routine. Lifting 2 days a week isn't going to cut it. And CrossFit stuff 5-6 days a week isn't going to work either. As it is, I'm struggling with that schedule. The only mornings I can lift are Wednesday and Saturday. My coach can't do days and I can't do evenings. MAYBE I might be able to talk the hubby into letting me do one evening a week, but it wouldn't be able to happen for at least a month. My coach does Tuesday evenings, but if I went then, it would knock out Wednesday morning.
I think that right now, I'm willing to knock CF down to 2-3 days a week and add more lifting in. But despite having an email composed to Coach G, I can't seem to click send. I know it doesn't mean I'm 100% committing myself. And it doesn't mean I'm giving up CF. It seems like a compromise to me, but I don't know...
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