The battle has continued. Over the course of the last year I gained back over 15lbs that I'd lost. I felt like such a failure and couldn't face it. Instead I just ignored it.
In August, I started working with a trainer. He's super expensive, but I like him and he seems good. (Though he's most definitely got the "Valley" mentality and reschedules a lot.) At the beginning of the summer I'd worked with a different trainer, but after we took a trip to see family, he told me that he got a coaching job and would no longer be training (I knew this was a possibility when I started working with him).
On Thursday I have my next weigh in. At the last one, I was down 11lbs. When I first began working with this new trainer, it was determined (by a machine) that I need to lose 30lbs. I think I agree with that, though it's really hard to know what's (pardon for the TMI) excess skin or fat. Either way, I'm still really uncomfortable with my body.
I do plan to have a tummy tuck and my arms done at some point. But right now I want to do everything I can to be as close as possible to where I want to be.
So that's where things stand. I still look in the mirror and I'm surprised at the reflection looking back at me. I wonder if it's similar to how people look at me who haven't seen me since I lost weight. Sometimes I like what I see, sometimes I don't, but I figure that's what most people experience.
I honestly thought that I'd be ok at this point and not have to worry constantly about what I eat. But sadly, that's not the case. Looks like I'm going to continue to have a life long battle with my eating. It's a shame the 2hrs a day I spend at the gym can't counteract what I want to eat!!
Keep a look out for new updates. I forgot how therapeutic this is!!
