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Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Discouraging Comparison
This sure wasn't what I was expecting to see... I thought there would be more change.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Decisions and Sore Muscles
I just went back and read my post from Friday. Really, when I said I'd make up for Friday's WOD not being as challenging as it could've been if I'd done it later in the day... I just meant I'd have a good workout on Saturday. Not a KILLER workout, which is what it was.
It began with 6am Olympic lifting. Then onto the Saturday Team WOD which spanked us all. I slept until 10am today after falling asleep on the couch at about 9pm (or earlier).
After the morning of brutality, the hubby, kids and I went to watch my old coach do his weightlifting thing. We met up with friends from the gym who lift, too (hi!!) and Coach G was there. Coach J is awesome. I've really missed him.
The whole day was kind of a rollercoaster for me as far as working out goes. O-lifting in the morning made me want to focus more on that. Then the Team WOD... it was INSANE. But the fact that I could do it well (enough) made me feel good about myself and want to keep up with CF. Then we went to the weightlifting match and it was really cool watching people lift, so then it kinda made me want to do that!
There's a meet on July 9 or something that I'd like to do. I think. I don't know... these people take it sooo seriously. I feel so silly sometimes when I to it!! And when I get I nervous, I laugh. I don't think the people there would care for that too much!!
There's GOT to be some sort of compromise in my routine. Lifting 2 days a week isn't going to cut it. And CrossFit stuff 5-6 days a week isn't going to work either. As it is, I'm struggling with that schedule. The only mornings I can lift are Wednesday and Saturday. My coach can't do days and I can't do evenings. MAYBE I might be able to talk the hubby into letting me do one evening a week, but it wouldn't be able to happen for at least a month. My coach does Tuesday evenings, but if I went then, it would knock out Wednesday morning.
I think that right now, I'm willing to knock CF down to 2-3 days a week and add more lifting in. But despite having an email composed to Coach G, I can't seem to click send. I know it doesn't mean I'm 100% committing myself. And it doesn't mean I'm giving up CF. It seems like a compromise to me, but I don't know...
It began with 6am Olympic lifting. Then onto the Saturday Team WOD which spanked us all. I slept until 10am today after falling asleep on the couch at about 9pm (or earlier).
After the morning of brutality, the hubby, kids and I went to watch my old coach do his weightlifting thing. We met up with friends from the gym who lift, too (hi!!) and Coach G was there. Coach J is awesome. I've really missed him.
The whole day was kind of a rollercoaster for me as far as working out goes. O-lifting in the morning made me want to focus more on that. Then the Team WOD... it was INSANE. But the fact that I could do it well (enough) made me feel good about myself and want to keep up with CF. Then we went to the weightlifting match and it was really cool watching people lift, so then it kinda made me want to do that!
There's a meet on July 9 or something that I'd like to do. I think. I don't know... these people take it sooo seriously. I feel so silly sometimes when I to it!! And when I get I nervous, I laugh. I don't think the people there would care for that too much!!
There's GOT to be some sort of compromise in my routine. Lifting 2 days a week isn't going to cut it. And CrossFit stuff 5-6 days a week isn't going to work either. As it is, I'm struggling with that schedule. The only mornings I can lift are Wednesday and Saturday. My coach can't do days and I can't do evenings. MAYBE I might be able to talk the hubby into letting me do one evening a week, but it wouldn't be able to happen for at least a month. My coach does Tuesday evenings, but if I went then, it would knock out Wednesday morning.
I think that right now, I'm willing to knock CF down to 2-3 days a week and add more lifting in. But despite having an email composed to Coach G, I can't seem to click send. I know it doesn't mean I'm 100% committing myself. And it doesn't mean I'm giving up CF. It seems like a compromise to me, but I don't know...
Friday, May 4, 2012
Unrealistic Body Images
Graphics like these are all over Pinterest and Facebook and drive me absolutely INSANE.
Work hard and you will definitely see results. But it doesn't mean that everyone who works hard at losing weight and working out and being healthy is going to have a body like that!!
I know that images like that are meant to encourage people to get off their asses and workout, but for people like me, it's so discouraging. Never will I have a body like that. I guess that's ok... I mean, I'm not 100% ok with it, but whatcha going to do?? It'll never happen without massive amounts of plastic surgery and complete obsession with diet and exercise (like, WAY more than now). And scars.. oh the scars. (Which... I still want my arms done. But realistically, it'll never happen.)
I wish there would be more pics of thicker women (as I've stated before) doing things like this.
Just after I finished writing this, a clip from the CrossFit Regionals was posted on FaceBook and one of the judges was a bit "thicker". I THINK that the judges have to be CF certified coaches, but I'm not sure. Anyway, it was awesome to see her there.. until some dill hole had to make a comment about her weight (on the Facebook post). Makes me sad. But kudos to the CrossFit HQ people for deleting what that guy said... and looks as if they deleted him from their fan page as well.
.
.
.
.
On the homefront: Therapy blows. No wonder I've quit this shit so many times. Except this time, the lady just jumped right in and is already to the point that some took months to get to--and we've only met twice. I guess that's good, though usually this is the point when I quit because it's just a lot easier not to deal with it. Maybe this time will be the exception.. I really want to be a better and happier person. My kids deserve it.. And according to the shrink, I do, too.
Still plugging away at the gym. I swore that today I was going to go in the afternoon, but I was wide awake at 5am, so I went ahead and went in. Probably would've had a better workout this afternoon, but oh well. I'll make up for it tomorrow.
One thing I haven't posted about (only because the posts that I made while I was gone didn't post)... The husband is starting CrossFit!! I'm not really sure WHY but he is. Friends in NYC talked him into it and he said he'd do it for 3mo. He starts the fundamentals classes on Monday! (The fundamentals classes just teach you the basic moves and stuff so you don't kill yourself!) It's actually a pretty big sacrifice on my end b/c it's 5 nights of him not being home for dinner/bedtime. But if it means something we can do together--AWESOME! This weekend, he's actually going with me to a weightlifting competition to see my old CrossFit coach. Obviously, the kids are going, too. They love Coach J.
Work hard and you will definitely see results. But it doesn't mean that everyone who works hard at losing weight and working out and being healthy is going to have a body like that!!
I know that images like that are meant to encourage people to get off their asses and workout, but for people like me, it's so discouraging. Never will I have a body like that. I guess that's ok... I mean, I'm not 100% ok with it, but whatcha going to do?? It'll never happen without massive amounts of plastic surgery and complete obsession with diet and exercise (like, WAY more than now). And scars.. oh the scars. (Which... I still want my arms done. But realistically, it'll never happen.)
I wish there would be more pics of thicker women (as I've stated before) doing things like this.
Just after I finished writing this, a clip from the CrossFit Regionals was posted on FaceBook and one of the judges was a bit "thicker". I THINK that the judges have to be CF certified coaches, but I'm not sure. Anyway, it was awesome to see her there.. until some dill hole had to make a comment about her weight (on the Facebook post). Makes me sad. But kudos to the CrossFit HQ people for deleting what that guy said... and looks as if they deleted him from their fan page as well.
.
.
.
.
On the homefront: Therapy blows. No wonder I've quit this shit so many times. Except this time, the lady just jumped right in and is already to the point that some took months to get to--and we've only met twice. I guess that's good, though usually this is the point when I quit because it's just a lot easier not to deal with it. Maybe this time will be the exception.. I really want to be a better and happier person. My kids deserve it.. And according to the shrink, I do, too.
Still plugging away at the gym. I swore that today I was going to go in the afternoon, but I was wide awake at 5am, so I went ahead and went in. Probably would've had a better workout this afternoon, but oh well. I'll make up for it tomorrow.
One thing I haven't posted about (only because the posts that I made while I was gone didn't post)... The husband is starting CrossFit!! I'm not really sure WHY but he is. Friends in NYC talked him into it and he said he'd do it for 3mo. He starts the fundamentals classes on Monday! (The fundamentals classes just teach you the basic moves and stuff so you don't kill yourself!) It's actually a pretty big sacrifice on my end b/c it's 5 nights of him not being home for dinner/bedtime. But if it means something we can do together--AWESOME! This weekend, he's actually going with me to a weightlifting competition to see my old CrossFit coach. Obviously, the kids are going, too. They love Coach J.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Another Day, Another Dollar
Soon the anxiety of going to the shrink is going to set in b/c it will mean that I can't just ignore what's going on. I go back today and I'm getting a little nervous. It's kind of weird pouring our all of your issues to someone you don't know.
Overall, I think I'm doing better. Since I decided that I'm not going to kill myself to make it to the box at 5:30am every day, I've only skipped one day (and I did the WOD later but at the Rec Center at school--which made it a lot easier). I'm not sure what I'll do tomorrow... At this point, I think I'm going to go in the afternoon.
I had a realization the other day that kind of came from nowhere. I fit at CFMK. I belong there. I'm not some outsider. The people there are (mostly) my friends. And I can (mostly) do the WODs. Of course, I think most everyone can "mostly" do the WODs, too.
.
.
.
And that right there just sucked all of the positive out of me. G'day.
Overall, I think I'm doing better. Since I decided that I'm not going to kill myself to make it to the box at 5:30am every day, I've only skipped one day (and I did the WOD later but at the Rec Center at school--which made it a lot easier). I'm not sure what I'll do tomorrow... At this point, I think I'm going to go in the afternoon.
I had a realization the other day that kind of came from nowhere. I fit at CFMK. I belong there. I'm not some outsider. The people there are (mostly) my friends. And I can (mostly) do the WODs. Of course, I think most everyone can "mostly" do the WODs, too.
.
.
.
And that right there just sucked all of the positive out of me. G'day.
Friday, April 27, 2012
A Cheery Update
The first counseling appointment always sucks. Not that I've been to tons of counselors, but the initial meeting that goes over every possible reason you may be as fucked up as you are... it just sucks. It feels like excuse after excuse of why I'm a crappy mother/wife/friend. I KNOW I need to just suck it up and get over it. I DO! But apparently it's just not that easy.
The lady seemed nice and got to the nitty gritty rather quickly. I hope that is a good sign.
Yesterday, I had a major meltdown and spent the rest of the day in a bit of a stupor. I had planned/wanted to cancel my appointment for today, but it was so bad that I just couldn't.
I've gotten a few texts/emails asking how I'm doing and people saying they're worried about me. Until yesterday, I didn't feel like there was anything bad enough to worry about really. And not that there REALLY is now, but I feel like I have been too close to the edge of losing control. And that's just not an option in my life.
As of now, my medications are staying the same and I'll be going to counseling once a week until things get under control. At least she didn't feel that I was worthy of committing!! Or even seeing more than once a week. But thankfully, she thinks it's more important than every other week or monthly. Because I know that it is, which sucks admitting.
My eating is out of control and I don't even care. I didn't go to CrossFit today and I don't even care. I'm considering being a no-show tomorrow for my weightlifting coach/group (even knowing full well that one reads this blog).
Last night I slept almost 12 hours before my husband had to wake me. I could've slept more. If left to my own devices, I could probably sleep most of the day away and not so much because I'm tired. Knowing that scares the crap out of me.
As long as I'm writing, there's nothing to worry about. Promise. As hard as it is to admit there's a problem, doing so makes it easier to get a handle on.
The lady seemed nice and got to the nitty gritty rather quickly. I hope that is a good sign.
Yesterday, I had a major meltdown and spent the rest of the day in a bit of a stupor. I had planned/wanted to cancel my appointment for today, but it was so bad that I just couldn't.
I've gotten a few texts/emails asking how I'm doing and people saying they're worried about me. Until yesterday, I didn't feel like there was anything bad enough to worry about really. And not that there REALLY is now, but I feel like I have been too close to the edge of losing control. And that's just not an option in my life.
As of now, my medications are staying the same and I'll be going to counseling once a week until things get under control. At least she didn't feel that I was worthy of committing!! Or even seeing more than once a week. But thankfully, she thinks it's more important than every other week or monthly. Because I know that it is, which sucks admitting.
My eating is out of control and I don't even care. I didn't go to CrossFit today and I don't even care. I'm considering being a no-show tomorrow for my weightlifting coach/group (even knowing full well that one reads this blog).
Last night I slept almost 12 hours before my husband had to wake me. I could've slept more. If left to my own devices, I could probably sleep most of the day away and not so much because I'm tired. Knowing that scares the crap out of me.
As long as I'm writing, there's nothing to worry about. Promise. As hard as it is to admit there's a problem, doing so makes it easier to get a handle on.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Stress!!
So much going on. My father-in-law passed away. :( I'm leaving today to go be with my husband and his family. My mom is going to watch the kids, but despite my request to come to KS to do it, she's fighting me on taking them back to Arkansas with her. It's causing me so much stress... rather, so much ADDITIONAL stress. Because I don't have enough to deal with as it is.
To add to it, I got a message from someone from high school on Facebook just now and about lost it.
You should give this body by vi a shot! It's AWESOME and with the amount u work out, it will fall off you. Just a thought! Trying to get my lil business off the ground lol! If you hear of anyone needing/wanting to lose weight PLS send them my way!! Thank you!
Thanks for telling me I need to lose weight! I REALLY appreciate that. People don't workout only to lose weight.
OK, yes, I know it's a plug for whatever stupid shit she's selling. But Jesus Fucking Christ!!! She might as well have punched me in the gut.
To add to it, I got a message from someone from high school on Facebook just now and about lost it.
You should give this body by vi a shot! It's AWESOME and with the amount u work out, it will fall off you. Just a thought! Trying to get my lil business off the ground lol! If you hear of anyone needing/wanting to lose weight PLS send them my way!! Thank you!
Thanks for telling me I need to lose weight! I REALLY appreciate that. People don't workout only to lose weight.
OK, yes, I know it's a plug for whatever stupid shit she's selling. But Jesus Fucking Christ!!! She might as well have punched me in the gut.
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