Starting CrossFit Was A Mistake

There, I said it. And I'll say it again. Starting CrossFit was a mistake.

But you know what? It was one of the best mistakes I've ever made, I think. When I first started, I had no idea what I was in for. When reading about it online, everything seems so vague. (Even now when I try to explain it to people I find myself being vague about it because it's kinda hard to explain effectively.) It wasn't what I thought I was signing up for, though I wasn't really sure what I was expecting. Definitely nothing like what it is.

As I sit here with a strained muscle in my ass, I can't help but thinking about how I committed to myself to do 6 months and those 6 months will be over at the end of this month. Just short of month 3, I freaked and wanted to quit. I was scared to keep going. But I was scared to quit even more. At various points along the way I've thought about quitting as well (duh).

Not quitting has definitely NOT been a mistake. I've thought about comparing CrossFit to childbirth, but childbirth eventually ends. CrossFit keeps on torturing you. (No jokes about kids here!) But both give you something amazing to love that molds into a better person.  (For the record, neither of my kids were "oops babies" but it wouldn't matter if they had been.)

As my 6 months comes to a close, there's not a question in my mind about whether or not I should keep going. The only question in my mind  is how much MORE I can do. How much more weight can I lift? How much more intense can I handle? How much more will I continue to want?

I can only hope that everyone experiences such an awesome mistake as I have... where something turns out not to be at all what you thought, but ends up being something absolutely amazing.

Happy Valentine's Day!! 

Eureka!

I figured it out. I figured out why I'm not allowed to talk about CrossFit. It's not intimidation. It's JEALOUSY!! Said person wants to be doing CrossFit, too! But since said person is too cheap to have a membership at both and the other is paid in full for a year, no CrossFit.

Not that it makes me feel any better. But at least I get it now.

I'm definitely back in my game!! I've been enjoying working out again. Saturday's Team WOD was terrible, but I held my own and didn't get discouraged afterward (despite feeling like the "special" person on the team). It was good.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow and I have too much to do, so this is it for now!

Stuck in My Head

Self Discovery

I don't know how to link these two topics together, so there will be a Part A and Part B. I could just wait to write about one or the other, but I don't want to. And two separate posts seems silly. 

Part A - Paleo Update

One reason I started the whole Paleo thing was to learn about how my body reacts to different foods, right? Well I've learned a couple of things I didn't expect to find out. 

- I have a "sensitivity" to peanuts. I'll spare you the details. But unless that particular batch of peanuts had some nasty germs or something in them, I think it's safe to say it's a sensitivity. The hubby and kids ate them with no problems, so I'm assuming they were fine. My body revolted. 

- I think I have a sensitivity to shrimp, too... A few years ago I discovered that I am allergic to lobster. I break out into a rash and itch like a mother f-er. Everyone has asked if I'm allergic to shrimp. Until now, I've never had a problem. Growing up by the Gulf, shrimp was always around. Yum! But this week.. Lord. My entire body itches. I thought maybe it was dry skin, but I've slathered lotion and it doesn't help. I told the hubby about it and immediately he suggested the shrimp I'd eaten. Nothing else I'd eaten that day or the day before could've been the culprit. And the rash looks just like the one I get with lobster. So.. I'm assuming it was the shrimp. Goody. 

- I don't crave non Paleo foods as much as I expected I would. Basically, if it's yummy, I'm good! I'd been off of pasta for a couple of years anyway, so that was no biggie. Potatoes, too. I think those would've been the hardest for me. I will admit that I eat popcorn. Besides chocolate, it's about the only cheat I think I have. Oh. Diet sodas. Lord, I love Diet Coke. And Diet Dr. Pepper. It's addicting. I'm trying hard to stay away, but the extra caffeine jolt around noon is soooo nice when I've been awake since 4:30. Maybe I can try going back to coffee. 

Part B - What Made Me Say That??

Periodically, I find myself in a position where I ask myself, "OMG. WHY did I tell ____ all of that?!?" It's always to a person I really like and am in the process of getting to know. So while I was lying (laying?) in bed at 4am (thanks to the little one wanting  milk), I was thinking about it. 

When I was growing up, I was told not to ask people personal questions. I was told that it was rude and I shouldn't be nosy. After meeting my friend Deb a few years ago, I realized how untrue that is! I like when people as me questions.. And people like when they are asked about themselves--usually. Deb has this amazing ability to make people feel special and part of that is that she is truly interested in getting to know people. She's awesome in so many ways, but that's a major one. 

I try to ask people questions, but feel very awkward. I hear my grandmother's voice telling me to not be so rude and I'm not able to ask more than a little of what I want to know. So to make up for that, I tell people something about me. It's not a very effective tool. I end up telling people too much or telling them something they don't want to know about me or whatever, when really all I'm trying to do is open a door for them to tell me something about them. I seriously lack social skills sometimes. So if you're reading this, know that I'm not trying to talk about myself all the time. Know that I'm sharing something with you so that you'll share something with me. And when I ask a question and it seems trite, it's because I don't want to be too nosy. In reality, I'm dying to get to know you better!

Part C - Bonus!

I thoroughly enjoyed my workout today. Not that it was easy by any means! But I had fun(ish)! As much fun as you can have when getting your ass handed to you, but it was so nice to have that feeling again!! I wasn't the fastest. I wasn't the slowest. I didn't lift the most. I didn't lift the least. Honestly, I don't even remember what other people did. I just know I did my best and focused on doing well. 

Today I'm going to practice some more at home. It's been forever since I've done that (minus yesterday). I'm still going to be too hard on myself. And I'm still going to suck at things. But it's nice to want to do better again! Go me!

Others Feel It Too

A friend pointed me to the blog Hyperbole and a Half, so I headed over to check it out. The latest blog entry was written in October of last year. The previous stuff is pretty funny, but that last post made me bawl like a baby. So much for my no crying streak.

Adventures in Depression basically goes over her state of depression. I would say that I could've written that, but that would be a lie. She has the ability to make some humor out of it while I do not. But the context is all too familiar. The state of my house proves it, too. I should be cleaning, but I've chosen instead to sit my ass on the floor and blog. We have no desk. And no laptop (I killed the last one 3 days after it was fixed). I have to adjust my feet every few minutes because they keep falling asleep, but I still choose this over cleaning. Not that I like cleaning when I'm not depressed. But I do enjoy a house that doesn't look like a tornado went through it.

I have to leave in 20min to pick up the kids, then it's back home to make dinner.. You know, that meal you're supposed to feed your family. The one I've neglected for too long. (I feed my children, I promise. Not my husband, but I do make sure my kids are fed. It's just not a proper meal.) I promised spaghetti and meatballs tonight. It counts that I bought the stuff to make the meatballs, right? Not sure if we have the spaghetti stuff though, which could be a problem. (No worries, I'm not eating the spaghetti.. I'll have meatballs and veggies.) I shouldn't have promised.

Sometimes I wonder if I should've become a mother. I don't feel that it's fair to my kids to have a mom who can barely keep her head above the water most of the time (figuratively and literally... ha!) But selfishly, I'm glad I have them. As crazy as they make me, I wonder what I would be like if I didn't have them. They make me have to get out of bed each day.

Anyway, instead of cleaning, I think I'm going to go practice standing on my head. Like, literally. You should try it. It's fun.

On The Mend. I Think.

I haven't cried in a few days. The only time I've gotten teary is when a friend questioned me yesterday about what's wrong. But other than that, I've been OK. I still feel sad, but I also know that I can't expect things to change overnight.

Yesterday I was super anxious about swim lessons but not upset, if that makes sense. This morning, I was super tired so my workout wasn't as great as it could've been, but I was trying to focus on form and stuff, which tells me I'm interested in improving again.

When I said it doesn't matter if I get better... I was just trying to fool myself. It does matter to me. I like getting better. I like being able to do things I've never been able to do.

So I guess I am getting my spark back.

That Was Humbling

I didn't drown, so that's a positive. I also didn't see anyone I know, so that's another. And the people in the class seem nice. There! Three positive things before I say how bad that fucking SUCKED!!

That was horrible!! I didn't throw up beforehand, but I did gag once or twice. The teacher seems OK, I guess. But he doesn't really get the whole adults learning to swim thing.

I think the worst part of it, besides being in the water, was the fact that we will be having our lesson each week beside a fucking scuba class. Seriously?! Who was the awesome person who did that?? Sheesh.

Anyway. Back again next week. Woot.