A year later...

The battle has continued. Over the course of the last year I gained back over 15lbs that I'd lost. I felt like such a failure and couldn't face it. Instead I just ignored it.

In August, I started working with a trainer. He's super expensive, but I like him and he seems good. (Though he's most definitely got the "Valley" mentality and reschedules a lot.) At the beginning of the summer I'd worked with a different trainer, but after we took a trip to see family, he told me that he got a coaching job and would no longer be training (I knew this was a possibility when I started working with him).

On Thursday I have my next weigh in. At the last one, I was down 11lbs. When I first began working with this new trainer, it was determined (by a machine) that I need to lose 30lbs. I think I agree with that, though it's really hard to know what's (pardon for the TMI) excess skin or fat. Either way, I'm still really uncomfortable with my body.

I do plan to have a tummy tuck and my arms done at some point. But right now I want to do everything I can to be as close as possible to where I want to be.

So that's where things stand. I still look in the mirror and I'm surprised at the reflection looking back at me. I wonder if it's similar to how people look at me who haven't seen me since I lost weight. Sometimes I like what I see, sometimes I don't, but I figure that's what most people experience.

I honestly thought that I'd be ok at this point and not have to worry constantly about what I eat. But sadly, that's not the case. Looks like I'm going to continue to have a life long battle with my eating. It's a shame the 2hrs a day I spend at the gym can't counteract what I want to eat!!

Keep a look out for new updates. I forgot how therapeutic this is!!

another update

since my last post 3 weeks ago, i'm down 2lbs. at least, i was last week... this weekend when i weighed (different day, different circumstances, etc.), i was the same. all in all, i'm only up 5 or 6lbs, but i feel so chubby lately and i can tell my clothes are really fitting differently. (with only 5lbs?!?!!? WTF??)

tomorrow i will start back to seriously paying attention to my calories and i'll start keeping a food journal again. yay.

i also haven't been as diligent about working out as i used to. fortunately i'll be starting a regular routine w/ a personal trainer soon. having someone to be accountable to will help a lot... i still get 3-4 two hour sessions per week, but i still have too many days off. one reason my clothes are fitting differently too is b/c of all the weights i've been doing. serious ab work a few times a week is making the belly push out a bit. but once some of that flab goes away, it'll be better.

i've decided that i'd like to lose another 15-20lbs, which will put me around 100lbs lost. so i guess i need to change my ticker.

i know a lot of you think that since i've lost so much already that my body looks ok... if i could be daring and post pics of my bare belly, you'd totally understand where i'm coming from. better? yes. good? no.

so anyway... that's where i am.

keeping it real...

ok, so y'all have been with me on this weight loss journey, so i feel the need to be completely honest and let y'all see all sides of it. i know some people think it's easy to maintain, but i can assure you that it's not.

i've gained weight. i'll admit that with moving and going away dinners and stuff, i've eaten poorly. And since getting to Texas, I haven't exercised like I should. i finally joined a gym after testing out several in the area. i really like it and i'm eager to get back into a routine.

i've been getting back to eating better, but it's been hard. food is so yummy!! i really need to go back to my once a week splurge meal and that's it.

Tomorrow i have an assessment w/ a personal trainer to do measurements and stuff. he'll do some tests to see where i am fitness-wise. this will be my new baseline, though i did measurements before i left FL. (I've lost TEN inches from my abs since October of last year!!)

so anyway... that's where i am.

90lbs and I think I'm done...

I reached 90lbs last week. rather, 90lbs lost. I do not weigh 90lbs. ;-)

I think i'm finished trying to lose weight. I think.

Anyway, here's a cute pic that the kids and I took for A for Father's Day.

What 83lbs lost looks like!

For some reason, this post is REALLY hard for me to write.

I've exceeded my goal and have new pictures to share. The first set is just the typical progress pics from along the way. Then are the before/after pics from everyday life.

I'm very self conscious about the way I look now. I have a lot of excess skin. I have deep creases in my face b/c of the weight loss. I feel like I look 10 years older than I am.

I still see lots of room for improvement and will probably continue to try to lose weight, but not as aggressively.

(be sure to click on the pics to see the whole thing)






The 'before' taken almost exactly a year ago when we were in Tijuana (which is why I look so icky and sweaty... it was HOT!) The 'after' was this past weekend.






I bought myself a little present for reaching my goal... It's the necklace you see in the pics. I had it made and I'll wear it each day as a reminder of where I once was.

one pound BELOW my goal weight!!

That pretty much sums it up!!!

I'll be updating next week with pictures!

Single digits!!

I have EIGHT pounds to go until I reach my goal! EIGHT!!!

I'm fairly certain that I'm going to want to lose more weight, but I'll decide once I hit my goal. It's not just the number that makes me want to lose more, but I truly believe there's more to be lost.

anyway, it's pretty exciting to me... i'm down 74lbs now... i can't believe i was able to do this!